One of the hugest secrets we attempt to keep is a sense of independence and pride. The notion or emotion that you are crucial in some distinct way, that you are cherished by a particular person, that an individual is giving you unique attention, these are some of the ego’s very nuanced secrets. We are attempting to hide our Heavenly Self and are playing all these different games, which look to be very upsetting. It is pretty depressing and it really doesn’t go anywhere, so we endeavor to get scraps of special love, attention and acclaim to prop ourselves up.
We toil so hard at becoming “superior people”, at acquiring greater intelligence and more skills. We want to be admired more and be more well-known. The entire self-help industry is focused on bettering the self so you can turn into a better you. That is another trick we secretly partake on ourselves, thinking we have to keep rotating our wheels trying to become better. This self-improvement game is another secret we can to learn to let go of. It is very calming when you start to understand that you do not have to become any better than you presently are. You were created perfect. It is not through self-improvement that you find serenity but through self-acceptance.
As I engaged with A Course in Miracles, I could see that there was a terror of divine love in my mind. I recognized this was the ego’s apprehension of losing itself. The ego is afraid of being exposed and being perceived as a puff of nothingness. That is the fear of intimacy. We talk about this terror in relationships, which is sometimes portrayed as fear of sexual intimacy, but it is really a dread of dropping our persona, our mask of uniqueness. It is the fear of getting swept away by a magnificent love, a love so intense that none of us can even envision something as splendid and mighty!
For me, those are the big secrets, because it doesn’t start off with this great consciousness. It always starts with feeling like you have done something inappropriate, whether you’ve pleasured yourself, taken something, abused somebody, or there is something in your mind that you have judged as so horrible that you don’t even want to meet it, you just want to dismiss about it and push it out of notice.
Beneath all those reminiscences and thoughts, is the belief that we are separated. This is the “secret” we hide. It really is an unfeasible belief, but we assume that it is true; We have deemed it as ghastly and have pushed it out of consciousness. All unconscious guilt comes from this belief in division. And as you really provide yourself over to the miracle, you feel all those hidden beliefs and secrets are being washed away and you finally encounter this hidden belief in disunion!
Please, share any thoughts and observations with me below, I’d love to hear about your experience!
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