A 2004 University of New york study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” showed that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements for their degree of “relationship happiness”. Furthermore, they experienced improved and healthier numbers of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. It is because mindfulness is often a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self as well as others.
We’re human; conflicts are unfortunately a part of life’s journey. Inside a Mindfulness where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant proximity, it’s natural that individuals won’t always see eye to eye with one another. Imagine this instance, as soon as your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your spouse says and does (and also by your ensuing reaction).
Anger can be an immediate response and bitterness could be the path; These emotions call forth reactions as an alternative to principled responses. So many regrettable thoughts and actions take place in such moments. I once did a chat in the bookstore and noted the phrase “Sticks and stones may break your bones but words won’t hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words could cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester even after broken bones have already been healed. There is a songwriter in the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote music entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
Rather than holding on to this negativity, you are able to consciously decide to behave differently. Let’s notice it together. Picture yourself in that heated moment when you are flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. Let’s say you were able to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or maybe your partner?
Do not forget that you don’t need to be physically and even verbally abusive being violent. Even thoughts could be destructive, especially because they’re inadvertently reflected within our attitudes and behaviors. For example, you may become withdrawn and important in an argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. Another person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the other way round, and before long you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting distracted by them. And instead, you will want to strike if the iron is cold? Let yourself cool-down and funky off, and share how you feel and thoughts when you are ready and they are capable of clarity and compassion.
You won’t regret it.
“Prejudice of any type ensures that you’re identified together with the thinking mind.
It means you don’t begin to see the other human being anymore, but only your personal thought of that human being. To lessen the aliveness of some other human being to a concept is already a kind of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
Suppose you are well on a sailboat in the ocean, and navigating these waves could be the course of life. Regardless how you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown astray sometimes. Essentially the most capable fishermen and sailors know that sometimes the good thing you are able to do-or the one thing you are able to do-is to merely ride the storm. Let the feelings blow due to you after which pass. Ride out your mental storm. It’s just a cascade of chemicals, you know, depending on fear. I have listed waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you remarked that it’s much easier to stay afloat once you relax your body rather than once you tense up and panic in water?
Embrace the storms, then, on your own journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t allow yourself to drown of their drama either. Keep yourself grounded using these mantras:
Storms always pass. There’s no need to panic or fear.
Ride the storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings fly out of me…
Later Let me analyze the storm. Now I need only observe it. Now Let me wait and pull through.
Later, you will have the clarity of mind to sit down and analyze the storm, and determine what caused it. You may also find the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance do you notice?
What helped you pull through? How could you choose this transition easier later on?
Use the storm as a possible chance to gain additional skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Most importantly, remember that storms certainly are a part of life, but you hold the capability to navigate the right path through them. You will always return to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles tend not to block the path; these are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles can be an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Change Your Story, Change Your Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
More info about Mindfulness view our webpage: this site
